My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
