there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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