This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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