God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
