when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
