Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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