I wish I could punch you in the face.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
