just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
