and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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