I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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