I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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