am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
