Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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