i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
