i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
