Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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