3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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