I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
