I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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