my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
