I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
