I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
