Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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