Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
