i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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