All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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