There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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