dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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