My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
