my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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