i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
