I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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