Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
