oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
