Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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