a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
