i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
