I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
