last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
