We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
