Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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