I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
