glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
