you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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