Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
