This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
last night I used snow as a chaser
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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