I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
