Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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