and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
