Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
