Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I checked into jail on foursquare
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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