every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
