You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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