I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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