my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize