im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
soo... how was my night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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