You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
