I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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