I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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