I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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