So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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