Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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