i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
as a side note pls kill me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
