are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
