He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
