Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
