Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
