Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize