Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
