That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
