I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
