I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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