you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
