had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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