If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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