Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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