He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
