I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
