yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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