I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
