ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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