One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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