I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
