oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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