I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
