babies were throwing up all over the place
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
