I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
