I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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