That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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