'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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