need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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