Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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