marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
