cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
