Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
